Everyday there is something that would remind me of the distance. I sit and stare into space thinking how strong i've been these past few months. Everyday and everynight the thought would cross my mind and I would break down into tears. I wonder what it is that is making me persevere through something so difficult as this. I pick myself up and the day passes as usual. I envy every other couple i see or know. I see them hold each others hand, go out for lunch together, hang out at each others house, call each other every night.. Its so hard and yet I dig and search for that persevering spirit in me that keeps me going. I just want to hold his hand. Just for 1 minute.. or 30 seconds.. even 5 seconds.. I cant even hear his voice without accumulating an expensive phone bill. I go out with friends or my family, i always think about him.. thinking about how nice it would be if he was here.. walking down the beach with me.. sitting on the couch watching movies.. everything is impossible. I guess this weekend has been a total wreck for me, and i got no one to hug or hold on to.. I'm missing out on the comfort a bf would bring during times like this.. Its a two way thing and he probably feels the same.. i cant blame him.. cant blame anyone but myself for beginning this torture but loving it at the same time.