10 more days! XD
why am i so stupid? sigh...
I feel choked up, and I can't breathe properly.
help. Somebody help me.
Hmm.. people do change..and situations change too.. Lately, I've been getting very emotional and upset with things..I'm sad that things have changed.. Guess i don't have that feeling that I got/had before. I should know that things of that sort would change.. but I keep hoping and thinking that it won't. I don't know what to do. Being a 17 yr old, I should'nt have so many things to brood about.. should'nt I be having fun? and being all happy and 'worry-less'?
Like the taxi lady said,: "if others can't make you happy, make yourself happy.. like i told my daughter.. why wait for the boy to call you? and when he doesnt, u get upset? Go out and do things to make yourself happy. Valentines Day is coming, dont have to sulk that your bf din buy a rose for you, go buy one yourself!"
Guess what she said is sorta true.. Lifes too short to get upset all the time. Enjoy it while we can. If nobody can make me happy, I'll make myself happy. I'll try.
wahh I'm sooo tired.. lol.. went to jacqs church today.. and headed to sentosa after. it was good fun.. played touch rugby for about 3 over hours.. and frisbee for a bit. It was a good workout..haha =) havent been to sentosa since i was like.. 7? its been ages.. Company was good and yeah. headed for my long awaited dinner at SICC with jacq and the boys.
I liked today. Thanks for asking me along jacqqqiieee! XD
much love to you.
I still feel your touch in my dreams.Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why.Without you it's hard to survive
Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
I need you by my side.
Cause everytime we touch, I feel this static.
And everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky.
Can't you hear my heart beat so.
I can't let you go.
I want you in my life.
Its been a long and winding journey.
I Love You.
Yes, I had a bad day. It literally started at 1am in the morning til 11pm at night. It was a phone call at 2 something that made me all upset and pissed.. I woke up from my phones alert as I received a message from audrey in the wee hours of the morning... I didnt have enough sleep, I had to wake up for lunch with liz and her family.. We headed to bugis after, and I got drenched from head to toe. my jeans was wet, my white top went see-through, my hair was just in a wreck.. my new birks.. sigh.. dun wanna go there. We sent sam to orchard and decided to take cab to my place for a change of clothes. Took me so long to get through the operator of the cab company.. liz and i were shocked at the starting price of the meter.. 4 dollars for the booking fee (normally its 2 dollars.. but no.. it was peak hour), we were in the cbd, so that adds another 1 dollar, and another 2 dollars for peak hour. So in total, the starting fee for the cab was.. $7 + $ 2.50 = 9.50... friggen gdness.. so whatever.. stuff that, i wanted to get home to dry myself.. Reached home.. called a few ppl and stuffs.. and left for liz's house, and then headed to timbre. At least timbre was a tad better.. Music was great, as usual. Towards the end, they sang slow lovey dovey songs.. oh man.. he has an amazing voice and an amazing face.. haha.. Wished J was around.. meh.. I'm home now.. shacked...
Off to bed. Gdnite.
People say i'm an emotionally strong person. I hold myself well, and I'm always smiling and laughing. They say I pick myself up whenever I'm down, and I'll be back to the happy go lucky girl. Emotionally strong? maybe thats just a facade. I'm this loud, crazy girl when I'm out with my friends and family. Whenever I'm upset, I'll hide my emotions til i get home. I'll coop myself in my room and let it out. Nobody knows whats happening in there. My Mom and Dad doesn't know whether I'm upset or not as I'll just walk into my room pretending to do something. If I'm angry, I'll just leave and stay in my room til the steam wears off. Nobody knows anything. My sister think I don't know anything, I'm still young, and I've got the whole world to see when I start uni, or work. She sees me as her little girl who is 10 years younger than her, who goes out and party, and wastes my parents money. There are bits which are true, and bits that arent. She does'nt know what I do or what I like doing. Since young I've never been able to 'play' with my older siblings, as they are either in the army, in uni, or working. They are too old to want to play toys with me, or too busy to come home for a family dinner. I can't talk serious stuff with them, as all my sis would say is, 'you don't know anything yet cheryl. Just wait til you're older.' I'm afraid she'll look down on me, as shes got a decade more experience than I do.
Yes. I spend money like my parents own money trees or something. I know that money aint that easy to earn and I've cut down my expenses. I stay home all day and watch my tv and go online. People say.. you're always online cheryl.. dont you have a life? What can I do which doesnt involve spending money? I'll go out if its just for a meal or something. Anything that doesnt involve alot of money. No more shopping for me. I've got more than I need and should be thankful. Mom doesnt understand what I really want. I guess my brother knows how to show his love to me. A simple thing that he does, by buying breakfast home for me makes me so thankful. It showed that he thought about me.. Even if its a packet of milo from the hawker, or a macdonalds mc muffin, or drinking the other colours of yakult as he knows I only like the red ones.. I love him for that. Mom hasnt given me a hug, or said I love you in quite a while.. I won't chuck a fit, or complain to my parents, as they have provided and sacrificed so much for me. They think I don't know what they have done for me, but I really do know. Listening to their scolding and nagging is nothing compared to the hard work that they've gone through to provide for me. So just let them nag. Mom has accompanied me to perth for 4 years. I know she was very lonely. Her days consisted of waiting til 3.20pm to pick me up from school everyday, and waiting for me to come home for dinner when I'm out with my friends for the day.. I feel guilty that I made her feel like that because I was selfish and I wanted to go to Perth for my studies. I'm heading back alone this year.. It would be hard without mom around and it would be nice if I could have my boyfriend around with me to stay by my side.. but that is just way out of the picture. Its hard, but I'll have to hang on. So many things have happened in that 4 years of high school in perth.. This little bit of change won't be too bad I suppose.
Knowing Jon last year has made me really happy. He liked me without meeting or knowing me in person, which makes it pretty special =) Its sorta like a big risk, not knowing how your girlfriend looks like in person, not knowing her habits or anything. I never wanted to tell people about how we got to know each other and how we got together. I'm not ashamed of it, as we've come this far, but sometimes their reaction puts me off, and it gets me thinking about the bads of the relationship. The circumstances of it is definately a bad, but people say all we need is love, as it is boundless. I disagree. There must be love, committment, and action. When I see my friends and their other half, I envy them. The things that their bf's do for them are beyond me. Maybe the things that he has done for me are not what I expected or what I want, but I cant complain as the biggest gift he has given to me was the trip he made to singapore. I keep reminding myself not to think about the things he hasnt done, but about everything that he has done. After we met, I don't really know what he thinks about me. Maybe its the same as before, or maybe different.. I don't know. We're so far apart. I don't know whats going on in his life, or what he is thinking when he gets all emo'd up. lol.. We're not the couple who talks everyday.. or celebrates our 1 month or 1 year 'anniversary' at the cafe by the beach.. We havent even gone on a proper date. I want us to be an ordinary couple but oh well... He says he loves me - guess thats good enough. I'll hang on & give it my best.
Knowing Jon last year has made me really happy. He liked me without meeting or knowing me in person, which makes it pretty special =) Its sorta like a big risk, not knowing how your girlfriend looks like in person, not knowing her habits or anything. I never wanted to tell people about how we got to know each other and how we got together. I'm not ashamed of it, as we've come this far, but sometimes their reaction puts me off, and it gets me thinking about the bads of the relationship. The circumstances of it is definately a bad, but people say all we need is love, as it is boundless. I disagree. There must be love, committment, and action. When I see my friends and their other half, I envy them. The things that their bf's do for them are beyond me. Maybe the things that he has done for me are not what I expected or what I want, but I cant complain as the biggest gift he has given to me was the trip he made to singapore. I keep reminding myself not to think about the things he hasnt done, but about everything that he has done. After we met, I don't really know what he thinks about me. Maybe its the same as before, or maybe different.. I don't know. We're so far apart. I don't know whats going on in his life, or what he is thinking when he gets all emo'd up. lol.. We're not the couple who talks everyday.. or celebrates our 1 month or 1 year 'anniversary' at the cafe by the beach.. We havent even gone on a proper date. I want us to be an ordinary couple but oh well... He says he loves me - guess thats good enough. I'll hang on & give it my best.
guess everyone figured that I'm not feeling my best tonight tts y I wrote this entry. blahhh...
I'll end my ramblings here.. thanks for even bothering to read this.. ha.
yay! lets all celebrate, for the union of, Ping and Jacq =)
miss holding his hand..
and his hugs..
Yet another great night out. Met up with liz, josh, shane, justin, aunchisa, aarksara, joanne, jonathan, andrew, matthew, may, dawn, darren, viv, and others at timbre. Some left early, and the rest of us stayed til around 12.30am, and headed home after. The band was awesome, and the drinks were good. Had heaps of fun =)
Early Birds
justin, jonathan,joanne,chez&liz
jo&i being dumdums. & liz being pweety as always!
my face looks horrid. sigh.. haha.. at last, a pic with justin.I met up with Liz, Shane, Justin and Josh for dinner at New York New York. AFter stuffin ourselves with that so called american crusine, we met up with aunchisa, aarksara, crystal, ben and gloria for drinks at harrys. The singer/guitar dude was amazing.. loved his playing and style =) We headed back to the mrt, and josh was being weird as he is, ben.. he was just whack as he always is.. hahaha.. josh went up to some random and did push ups with him in the middle of the mrt area.. ben... dun get me started. all he had was water.. and he was high already. hahaha.. both of them were freakin hilarious. Twas a good night out =)
josh being spaso
the other half of the table
flammin lamborghini Lovin.
Justin, being a girl =) First day i left the house and my lovely bed in a very long time. I went out for lunch with my mom, and did some shopping together. I bought 3 pairs of shoes, and an ipod. heh. finally decided to get one. Mom bought a pair of shoes too.. and a clock for the bedroom.. haha.. twas a good day.. was great to get out of the house for once. =)
well.. nothing much to write.. i'm as good as a rotten apple.
Got into UWA, sent my fees in, and my signed offer already. Its all done. I'm a uni student. yay for me.
wo.. korkor turned 30 on wednesday! and i'm not even 20. heh =)
«« a.Q »» says:
being reclusive
«« a.Q »» says:
and antisocial
a.Q »» says:
nothing better than to soothe a lonely heart
«« a.Q »» says:
isolation!
Yes audrey. Thats Right. I do just that.
Mom woke me up to go to the toyota yard to pick up our beautiful camry =) hehehe. its a pretty pretty car i must say. me likey! Met jacq at kembagan station, which is in far far away land from where i live. We went to parkway parade, and had lunch there before i had a massive spending spree. Sigh.. there goes my plastic.. or rather, the plastic that was given to me by my 96 year old or so grandmother. After many hours of endless walking and browsing, we decided to watch a movie! and blood diamond it was. It was.. very violent i must say. Too violent for such a young girl like me to see! haha.. jacq was boiling her eyes out.. she came out of the cinema with her eyes all red. hahaha.. i could practically hear her WAILING. hahahaha.. and she was a seat away from me because this man blocked her view. hahaha. But it was a sad sad show.. Veli touching.. hehe. We met up with rachel and had a very late dinner at gluttons bay. Rachel had to leave, and jacq didnt want to go home, so we took a walk by the singapore river.. jacqs hot spot for a date.. heh. sigh.. get to see all those couples along the river.. doing their thing.. highly saddening.. at least i had jacq to.. play with. hahaha.. talked about how romantic the place is.. blabbered on about our past and present relationships.. and how perfect it would be if her bf booked the bumper boat and proposed to her there.. haha.. 11.00.. time to catch a cab before peak hour starts..so now i'm home, showered and clean.. t'was nice to go out to get some air.. alrighty.. time to chat on msn..
I'm jobless, and all i do is lay in bed til its dinner time. I don't have the urge to do anything. From the choices I have made, everything that I've done, and for everything that is happening now, I pity myself. I'm in such a hole and all I can do is laugh at myself and take pity on this lethargic piece of meat on the bed.
Meh.
Its been more than a week into this new year, and nothing interesting has happened. I guess its a good thing. No stress, no worries.. just lazing on my bed, staring blankly towards the ceiling. I cant be bothered doing anything. I rather stay in bed and daydream than to go out shopping, drinking, clubbing.. or whatever. Life is pretty pointless at this stage, since theres nothing really interesting to look forward to. I can get rid of the lethargic, emo, stoned faced part of me, but i dont have the strength to do so. This year better be good, otherwise my life would be taken away..
Happy New Year!
I hope 2007 would be a year filled with fun and laughter. Less tears would be nice.
We'll see how it goes.
