Exams are approaching and I fell sick yesterday. I feel so weak and all I want to do is to lie down. *sigh*

Can somebody make me a nice warm dinner?

Can somebody make me a hot milo?

Can somebody hug me to sleep so I'll feel a lil better?

The smell and the sound of rain was something I haven't experienced in a while. I parked my car and hugged my accounting notes as close to me so it would'nt get wet on the way back to my room after a tiring night of carrying plates and keeping a nice bright smile while serving customers. It was pouring so heavily that my lil umbrella did'nt do much good and I got horribly wet. The grass looked pretty happy with the amount of water it was getting - nice and green, with raindrops all over. I love the rain, and it would be nice if i had a glass window to look out of, while i snuggle in bed and drink a hot cup of milo. Unfortunately, I don't have a room like that. Exams are drawing near, and I'm started to burn the midnight oil, and I believe everyone is doing that too. I hope I'm able to pass my units, pull up my socks for next semester and start anew. Winter break would be a good time to relax and get myself back on track with life, and to set my priorities right. Its always good to look on the bright side of life. Think happy thoughts and smile. I'll always thank God for everything that he has provided me with and the people he has brought into my life. I've got an interesting life story to date and I am looking forward to the good things that he has in place, for me in the future.

sweet friend of mine.

I'm bringing 'happy' back..

its juicy couture..

-

Somewhere below the setting sun

a little angel turns to run,

the tears well up within her eyes,

no one can see her when she cries

for moments not so long ago,

when love was more than just a show

of flowers n chocolates, her heart yearns

to feel the warmth, but now it burns

.

Somewhere below the morning sun,

another day has just begun,

lost and alone he sits somewhere

can no one hear his only prayer?

A ray of hope shines down to show

the path,the way that he must go,

for hopes and dreams of clear blue skies,

and promises made until he dies

.

Somewhere beneath a stary sky

two lovers look each in the eye,

the words they whisper soft in each ear,

the words "I Love You.." all that they hear,

their hearts alight, their moment come

to face life together, hearts as one,

waiting for a rising sun,

a new beginning, hurt undone.

-

[Written for me by a dear friend]

Thanks Faisy. I'll just do what I need to do.

.

.

Thanks Rams for knocking some knowledge into my stupid head.

'Theres no science in relationships. You just do whatever is best for them, that makes them happy. You do whatever you can, and when you've done with all that you've wish that you could do more. Ultimately, you love someone and there is'nt a reason for it. Its a decision for the heart, and not the head.

.

.

I know I made a wrong decision. I wanted to be free, but it does'nt seem like the case.

24th May 2006 - Thursday

As I was waiting for Jy to finish his boxing session, I was just watching a little boy named tyler playing and watching tv. He runs around with a huge smile on his face, laughing and talking to himself with great joy. To see his happiness and freedom as a child, I could'nt help but smile. He looked at me from across the sofa, and came over to show me his stuck on cartoon tattoo. I smiled at him and he gave me the most gorgeous smile back and carried on playing with the other kids. Somebody even mistook me as his mother- may I add. I could hear the sounds of the boxers, kids screaming, and the tele booming.. and I just sat there thinking about everything that has happened in the past year. Life gets worse I suppose, but I always tell myself to look on the brighter side of things. Maybe I should go boxing one day, and let it be a place where I can let everything out. Enough emo crap from me now.. anyways.. Jy, Matt, Chester, Kristine, Kenneth and the other Jy and I went to watch pirates3 just then.. Greater union stuffed up their networks so they couldnt screen the show that we pre booked online, but we managed to catch the 9.25pm show at subi. Fetched everyone home and here I am writing this post.

Life is a box of chocolates, we have a fair bit of selection, and we've got a choice on which chocolate we want to eat first. One does'nt taste good, then we'll try another one. Keep trying til we find the one we like the most, and be contented.

I woke up horribly late for uni today.. got ready in 10 mins and rushed accross the road to class.. I got back my math assignment which I did pretty well in =) Went to the ref and bought some breaky considering I had muesli for dinner the night before. I met audrey at the octagon and jacq met us up later for an econs lecture. Emma and I headed off to the business lab for 2 hours and skipped lunch to finish an assignment. I'm sooo glad I've finished my last 2 assignments of the sem which is due tomorrow =) Now I've got to study for exams!!! Gay...

mmm eating muesli with soy milk now.. yummeh.

He's moving on,

I'll Live and Forget.

I'm proud of myself.. I drove down to the car wash and got my car washed.. I spent 1 hour there scrubbing, pressure spraying and vacumming my car and now its squeaky clean! This man was watching me clean my car the whole time and said..

"I'm very impressed by the way you clean your car. I've been watching you since i was lining up for the express wash, and I'm very impressed."

hehe.. i seldom get praises.. so yes i had to post that up =)

ooh! and i got 10 bucks tip at work today.. yay!

19days til exams,

32days til good food and proper msn.

I got baptised today. Yay =)

Its all in the Eyes.

All Naturale.

"Flames to dust,

Lovers to friends,

Why do all good things come to an end?"

Can that be changed?

omg someone sent this ULTIMATE photo of me before..

bahhh!

amazing. I haven't received my bank card yet and i have no money. literally ZILTCH in my wallet. I used up my last bits of coins to pay the dance studio for tonights session, and I have no money for dinner.. or lunch tmr. Great.. I havent had a meal today.. i'm HUNGRY.. =( mehhh.

i'll last on coffee for dinner.. thank gdness i've got work tmr..

moneyyyy and fooddd here i come.

sunday was a gd day.. fun.. havent had a day like that in a long time..

How relieving.

I'm off to a tute now.

tata!

why do I feel like this. Whyyyy =(

clinging onto the hope that has been anchored.

from the inside out, my soul cries out.

Everything is screwed up. Everything.

My life has been awfully dramatic this past week and I have no energy to handle it anymore.

I am gonna live properly, and forget all my worries.. well, I'll try to.

I've probably made history, and reached the roughest patch of my life. - only at 17.

Life could get worse, or better. or maybe better and worse..

I lost Jon, and life went topsy turvy.

I thought I was coping fine, but now its back to the start. I would say I'm a fortunate.. I get what I want most of the time.. but when it comes to relationships, I don't get what I want.. not for now at least. I want someone to talk to me, cheer me up, shower me with words of affection, to listen to my cries, and encourage me.. but theres nobody.

Everything that has happened, would hopefully make me a stronger person.

I've lost my sense of pride. I walk along the streets, head down, feeling like a total ass.. but life goes on.. i'll pick myself up and continue the journey that I started here.

the clouds are overcast

and darkness,

fills the earth.

the wind moves the dark heavy clouds to the other side.

It never rains here,

but in the land,

far beyond,

its a thunderstorm.

The rain pours with great emotion,

feeling.

like a little lost girl crying out for her mother.

lost, and was found

by someone so dear.

A rainbow appears within.

But

fate,

does not permit.

distance is a barrier.

all one can do, is

wait.